


Ichor

by McMuffin_D



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms
Genre: Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Depression, F/F, Light Angst, Reincarnation, Slow Build, actually maybe heavy angst idfk man, aged up sayu, and im pretty sure i made misa younger but i dont remember woops, i was rly into those when i started writing this ok, misa is too though, oc!sayu, pretty gay, raito is pretty fkn depressed tbh, romance won't occur until sayu's legal, sayu's kinda fake
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-21 02:42:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6034906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McMuffin_D/pseuds/McMuffin_D
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Normalcy is in the eye of the beholder.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

It took me a while to understand what exactly happened to me.

I'm not referring to the shooting, as I knew exactly what was happening that night. Hell, I _accepted_ it even. Sure, I wanted to live as much as the next girl, but my death was…Docile. I hadn't fought when that tall figure ripped my purse from my hands, nor had I struggled when the cool metal of a hand gun was pressed to my temple and the click of the safety being turned off ran through my ears. It simply was. I had closed my eyes.

When I was reborn, I was mildly surprised. In my previous life I wasn't religious, but I was relatively open to other ideas. Reincarnation was something I had thought about in passing, but I adamantly was the kind of girl that needed definite and unquestionable proof to believe in something. In some ways I'm still like that, but I'm much more tolerant of the idea that other things may happen that I'm unaware of. That's certainly something that was pounded into my head.

This time around I've been born into a kind Japanese family. My new mother was a lovely short haired brunette that birthed me at the relatively stable age of twenty six, and shamelessly doted on my brother and I. My father was thirty-three when I was born, a stern yet caring man who was undeniably a family man at heart. My brother, however…

I don't know what to think of him.

He was adorable, even at the age of two when I was introduced to this world. He had a full head of light brown hair, and wide innocent amber-like eyes. He looked like a fucking cherub. When I got a little older, a little more _able_ , he would sometimes sneak into my room at night to clumsily help me out of my crib. He'd set me next to him on the cold floor, brush my chocolate brown hair out my vision, and read to me. He was a huge help to me learning Japanese, something I was extremely thankful for, as I had only known English prior.

His name was Yagami Raito.

I'll be the first to admit that in my past life I had a fucked up sense of morals, and that many of my beliefs followed me into this body, but I honestly had no idea how to proceed. Sure, at this age he was loving and helpful, but he would grow up. He'd get older, become more mature, and be more jaded. He'd live his life severely unhappy until he'd find the Death Note.

My brother would become Kira.

Staring up at the five year old who was reading me a story that was essentially saying goodnight to primarily inanimate things, I wondered if I would really actually _care_ when the time came. I slowly slid my gaze down to the kanji his index finger was tracing, and idly wondered if that made me a bad human being.


	2. Leftovers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She has a soft spot for her family.

When I was enrolled in school, my parents' suspicion of me being smarter than the average child was confirmed. I had been fresh out of high-school when I had died, so everything was ridiculously easy in my eyes. Hell, I even watched Raito work on his homework just to make sure my mind properly retained all the information. Soichiro and Sachiko were ecstatic when they learned that both of their children greatly exceeded expectations, and despite myself I felt a childish joy in making my new parents proud. I still reveled in the kind smile my brother had looked down at me with when he had ruffled my hair.

As years went on, however, my parents didn't agree with many of my choices. They didn't care for my primarily monochrome wardrobe, nor did they particularly rejoice in my choice of friends. They accepted me though, and I loved them even more for it. They've been there for me more than my past life's parents, and I wouldn't trade the Yagami family for the world. Life was easy, and I basked in the happiness that comes from being in a loving family. However, this easygoing day to day bliss didn't last forever.

Things got difficult when Raito stopped eating and drinking.

A brief glance at the small clock on my desk made me aware of the time being three in the morning when I had woken up, roused by the muffled sounds of crying. The soft sounds that my feet made as the pads of them hit the cold floor seemed almost deafening compared to the almost quietness of the night, and it felt grossly inappropriate for my existence to be so loud while I walked over to my brother's room.

When I lightly knocked at his door, it quickly went dead silent before the noise of him walking over rang out. He opened the door, and I took a few moments to assess him. His eyes had heavy dark bags hanging underneath them, and his skin was sickly pale sans the redness that betrayed his previous tears. His clothes draped off of his body in a way that they never used to, and he just looked so physically, emotionally, and mentally _drained_ that it hurt to even look.

"You shouldn't be awake," He half-heartedly chided, "You have school later on."

"You're an idiot," I wearily glared, "Follow me."

He allowed himself to be gently guided after I reached out to grasp his risk, and I ignored how wrong it was that a fifteen year old boy's wrist felt painfully fragile in the hold of a petite thirteen year old female's hand. I sat him down at the kitchen table, and brushed his hair back from his eyes. Moving as soundlessly and efficiently as possible, I held a hand towel under a cold stream of water from the faucet momentarily before wringing it out and offering it to him.

"It'll help reduce the swelling and redness of your face." I answered his unspoken question all knowingly, because I've done this a million times before despite the fact that the majority of those occurrences had been in a different body.

Not acknowledging how his shadow slumped over when I turned around as to not wound his delicate sense of pride, I mixed up leftover salad and chicken in a bowl. After shoving a fork in it, and pouring a glass dangerously full with orange juice, I sat down across from him at the table and slid the meal over to him.

"I'm not hungry." He murmured decisively, blankly staring down at the contents of the bowl.

"I know you aren't," I replied, "But I'm _not_ going to watch you waste away. You're skin and bones, Raito. You have to eat even if you feel like you're chewing rubber. I know how you feel, and I know that you won't get any better unless you _allow yourself_ to be."

He raised his gaze from the salad to meet mine, and simply stared at me for a moment. He felt terribly far away from me in that moment, even after I reached out to rest my right hand on his left forearm in an attempt at offering solace. His gaze flickered between my eyes and the food briefly before deciding to rest upon the bowl. He then proceeded to stab through the meat and lettuce with the fork before slowly raising it to his mouth to take a bite. He chewed at a painstakingly slow pace, and when he finally swallowed he had the expression of someone forced to swallow shards of glass. He began to repeat the process again, and my hand felt like lead weighing down on his arm.

"Thank you." He muttered quietly, going on to raise the fork to his chapped lips.

He suddenly didn't seem as far away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I have the next chapter completed which I will probably be posting on March 1st (hopefully), and then the chapter afterwards is half written. If anyone notices any errors or whatever hmu and I'll fix it ;u;


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